All Is Calm, All Is Bright...Or Is It?

Advent Reflections From A Work in Progress

As I reflect this Advent season—a season when we are supposed to be calm and still— my mind is feeling anything but. I am feeling anxious and frantic and all the things I don’t want to feel at this time of year. And all the while, my heart yearns for peace and quiet.

The phrase “My soul in stillness waits” speaks deeply to me. I long for my soul to be still. I long for peace and tranquility. As I look outside at the beautiful—and very cold—landscape of my lake, the world appears calm and still. What is making me feel anxious? There’s always a lot to do at Christmastime. And maybe that’s worth reflecting on. Why do I put so much on myself—no one really asks me to do all the things. There’s the baking, the shopping, the Christmas parties and get-togethers. My college kid is home, so extra cooking and cleaning.

Work feels busy this time of year too. Lining up client work for next year, expense tracking, websites to update, Holiday cards to send to business associates, training offerings to develop content for, conference presentations to create, and on and on.

I also published my coloring book right before Thanksgiving, but not early enough to get copies in time to sell in stores for Black Friday. I’m learning how and where to get my book into stores. It’s a very time-consuming process and requires a lot of custom emails and personal visits to stores. And, I’m learning an entirely new business!

Whew, just writing this down feels a bit overwhelming—and it’s all good and things that are important. And yet, what is the most important part of the season? Advent means “coming”. In Christianity, it is the time where we wait and anticipate Christ’s coming. As a person of faith, this is a time I’m supposed to slow down. A time to be mindful. It is one of the two most important seasons in the church year. And, like usual, I feel like I’m “failing” at Advent.

So, how do I bring peace into life when it feels so chaotic? I’d like to come here with the answers. I feel like if people are taking the time to read my newsletter I should be providing “wise words” for others. When I relaunched Ordinarily Extraordinary – conversations with women in STEM this fall, we added a section called “Ask the (not) Expert” where we provide our advice to listeners. We are very upfront with the fact that we’re not experts. We’re just people with opinions and ideas. Maybe it’s ok for me not to have the answers here either. I’m a work in progress. I’m still learning—yes, at 54, I’m still figuring it out, or trying to figure it out. Maybe that’s ok. I have a therapist. I have friends and community. I have the “Headspace” app. I have lots of tools and support.

For now, I’ll breathe...deeply. I’ll schedule time with my friends. I’ll move my body. I’ll go out into nature (although not today. Today “nature” is -20°…). I’ll meditate extra. I’ll pet my dog. I’ll hug my kids. I’ll put away my ideas and need for creating the “perfect” Christmas. Even though we’re halfway through Advent, I can start today.